what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
