My room smells like vodka and shame
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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