don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
