I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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