i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
