come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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