The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
