naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
