I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
