we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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