eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
