I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
