shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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