I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
