my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
