Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
