Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
