It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
