If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
