jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
