i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
