haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
