i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
