I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
