Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
