I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
