Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
