Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
