If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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