kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
