Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it glows. i had to have it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
