All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
