I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
