We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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