He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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