Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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