David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
