shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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