Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
