Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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