Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
