I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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