Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm like, not good at living.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
