i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
