I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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