He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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