weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
operation have a gay friend backfired
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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