it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
