god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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