She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
