Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
