Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
