His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
