i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You can't special order awesome
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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