My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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