It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
