we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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