The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Randomize
