I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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