this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize