he shaved USA in his pubs
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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