If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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