I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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