I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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