Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
