hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
