i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
