Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I could fuck to npr.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
