Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
