also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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