My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
