i already hear my dad disowning me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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